Ever So Madly Page 7

  “I didn’t want to lie to you. I should have stayed away from you.” Her words hurt. “But I couldn’t. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I know you won’t forgive me, but I’m sorry.”

  “What? Couldn’t resist a plaything? Well there are tons of men who would be that for you, knowing full well what you are. As your brother does himself. You didn’t have to do this. There was no reason to lead me on.”

  “The last thing I wanted was to cause you pain or ruin things for you here. I was selfish for wanting it.” She lifted a hand to her eye, but dropped it before she touched her face. She took three or four shallow breaths, like she was trying to maintain her composure. I wanted her to show me some real emotion. Something more than the poised falsity she presented to the worlds.

  “Wanting it?” The ache in my chest spread. She was full of mixed messages, and I wasn’t sure I could blame her. Look at who she was. Who she was raised to be. I was nothing to her.

  “Yes.” There was hesitation in her answer. I wanted to shake her. I wanted her to speak openly. “For wanting you.”

  “Feelings are pain. To not feel them is to be dead.” The chasm in my chest widened. There had been a spark between us, but now it felt as if it was a figment of my imagination. She was cold and closed off.

  “That’s not what I meant.” She took a step toward me. “Don’t go.”

  I had to look away to hold my ground. “I get it. You got it out of your system. You don’t have to keep this up. You don’t have to worry. I won’t do anything to embarrass you if that’s why you called me back here.” My walls were in place for good reason, and I had to reaffirm it to myself.

  She stepped into me before I finished, taking my hands in hers. “Is that how you feel?”

  Refusing to meet her eyes, I nodded.

  She sank to her knees. “I feel more for you than I should. I couldn’t lose you. I think I’m falling for you.” Her ears went pink, and she brought her hand up to cover her mouth. “Am I right to believe you feel nothing then?” Her composure wavered for just a second, but I saw it.

  “I feel nothing? You stand here, as the ice queen—Baroness, whatever the fuck you are, stringing me along, and now you’re telling me I feel nothing? You have a lot of nerve, J. I don’t care who you were, and I probably wouldn’t have even if you had told me, but you shouldn’t have strung me along.”

  “I wasn’t.” Her words were barely audible, but they drew both her brother and my attention.

  “Then what do you want, Jocelynn?” The anger I felt fled, and a spark of hope took its place.

  She shook her head and turned away from me. “I can’t.”

  “It’s not that you can’t. You won’t. I’m not stupid. You had your fun, so can I go?”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Jocelynn

  “If one of you opens the damn door I’ll show myself out,” Madden growled when neither of us moved.

  Jacob burst out laughing. I would have if I wasn’t so irritated and hurt.

  “This place is set up like a maze. They give us sheets to memorize with our numbers as preschoolers. You’d have a better chance of surviving space without a suit than getting out of here by yourself.”

  He scowled, clearly not keen on being the butt of the joke. “Let me the fuck out. Getting lost and starving to death in a maze would be better than being ridiculed by you two for my ignorance.”

  “Who do you think is ridiculing you?”

  “Your quips are all the same.” He crossed his large, tattooed arms over his chest.

  “Has your opinion of me degraded so quickly?” I crossed the room to stand in front of him. My heart ached, and all the blood had drained from my face. He had been a bright spot in the dull life I was bound to in servitude. “I’m trying to let you go.” It took all energy I had let to keep the emotion from my voice. I had to push him away for his own good.

  “What did you expect?” His words were void of the musical tone they once held. “You lied to me and used me.”

  “I expected you to be upset for withholding the information, but you knew I was Trenton blood.” My heart was being ripped from my chest. He had no idea of my feelings for him, and it was entirely my fault. “It went too far…”

  “You’re not just Trenton blood. You’re the direct ruling fucking line. Akillie is different, even for your brother.” He scoffed.

  “I wanted for something I wasn’t allowed. I can’t say I’m sorry enough.” Years of training and here I was about to let tears fall. I not only felt like I’d failed him, but my entire line. So many of my house before me where strong, and here I was weak and in love with someone I could never have. Why couldn’t I push past it?

  “Are you blind? A normal Trenton I could be with given my new status. I bet you will marry a first of one of the lesser houses to form a trade alliance. You have no choice in the matter.” He clenched his fists. “And you know it. So, I couldn’t be more than a toy. You knew there was an expiration date when you started this. You kept it from me.”

  The words whipped across the room like daggers, hitting harder as he went. I could see the pain behind his eyes. What made it worse was I’d put it there. I took a tentative step toward him. He backed off until his back was against the door. I closed the distance, and he growled, keeping his arms between us.

  “You’re right. You started off as a toy.” I laid my hands over his chest, looking up at him. “If you ever felt anything for me, please at least listen before you write me off as evil.”

  “You have me trapped. So get to talking.” His demeanor dripped scorn.

  “You’re not trapped. If you wish you leave and never see me again, Jacob will show you out.” My feelings aside, I couldn’t blame him. I was shocked he even let me touch him.

  He looked to Jacob.

  “No skin off my back,” my brother replied. “But you should listen to her. I’ve never seen her like this about anyone, let alone a toy. You’re more than that.”

  “I never expected to see you again after the club, and then I couldn’t stop thinking about you…” A lump formed in my throat, and I couldn’t get the words out. I dropped my head to his chest. After only a few days the movement had become so familiar. As my forehead touched his soft shirt, I jerked back muttering, “I’m sorry. So sorry.”

  His hard demeanor didn’t change.

  “Jacob, just let him go.” My voice broke, and I felt the red in my cheeks deepen. “We owe him that much at least.” I wanted to get away. I needed to hide my shame. Jacob was right about attachment. Our kind wasn’t allowed it. I pulled back, trying to hide my face long enough to wipe the tears away. “I’m sorry. I won’t bother you again.”

  “You couldn’t stop thinking about me?”

  I nodded. “I didn’t know I was missing a piece of myself until I met you.”

  Warm arms wrapped around me, forcing my face back into Madden’s chest. I breathed him in and shook.

  He kissed under my ear, then whispered, “This isn’t a game for you?”

  I shook my head. “No, not at all. I swear to you.”

  “Me either,” he said.

  “I should have stopped it. This is my fault.” I fisted my hands in his shirt. “I shouldn’t have let it get this far knowing it wasn’t possible.”

  He cupped both sides of my face and tilted it up, forcing me to look at him. “I doubted you felt the same way for a moment. A day with my other half is better than a lifetime of meaningless encounters.” Our mouths met, and he stroked his tongue over the seam of my lips. I parted them, allowing him access to my mouth.

  “Fuck, do you two really have to do that here? Straight sex is so boring.” Jacob scoffed from the place he’d sat.

  We ignored him.

  “I want this,” he said, smiling into my lips. “For as long as we’re allowed.”

  “I do, too.” For the first time since I’d put on the corset, I could breathe, and I hadn’t even taken it off yet.

  Jacob w
as at my side yanking me out of the moment. “We’ve got to get him out of here. The Baron is coming down the hall.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Madden

  I looked between the pair of them. “The Baron, as in your father?”

  “We don’t call him father.” Jacob wrinkled his nose. “He’s not very fatherly. He’s much more Baronly.”

  I looked at Jocelynn. She was trying to compose herself, wiping at the smeared kohl under her eyes.

  “The translation is, he’s an over controlling bastard who treats even his children like subjects. Bad for you if you don’t have a reason to be here.” She looked at Jacob.

  “There is no other way out of here.” He shoved us apart and Jocelynn toward the sofa, before turning into me. He stepped into my personal space and had a wicked look in his eyes. “You’re both lucky I love my sister more than my own arse.”

  A moment later the door slid open, and the beast of a man who stood behind it was yelling before he fit through it. The suit he wore looked like two hundred years of breeding wouldn’t have been enough preparation for a peasant to pull it off. He oozed all the poise and prestige of a king. The clothes were tailored to perfection, and for his age he was shockingly attractive. Not a day under sixty, distinguished gray crept from his temples back through his black hair, but it made him that much more handsome. He was trim and fit, cut from a cloth I’d never hoped to obtain. I could see the staunch resemblance to his children now. Both of the twins carried his strong jawline, high cheekbones, as well as full lips. I assumed the light hair and eyes were their mother’s genetic contribution. Other than that, they likely bore little resemblance to her.

  Jacob grabbed me and touched his lips to mine. I was in such shock I couldn’t push him off before he shoved me away.

  “What is the meaning of this?” The Baron looked down his nose at me, pulling his lips back to expose the points of gleaming white teeth.

  Jacob donned what is best described as a sheepish look, masked with shock. I knew then he was an extraordinary actor, and nothing from his lips could be trusted at face value. J had slipped back into the depths of the room in the commotion as if she hadn’t been involved with us. She penciled on kohl. As flagrantly as Jacob put on a mask, she, too, wore one.

  Jacob drew into himself, hunching his shoulders forward as he looked at his feet. “Sorry,” he muttered under his breath. “I know he shouldn’t be back here.”

  I tried to follow his lead, taking a step back to stand half behind him.

  “Why would you bring a scab back here?” The Baron snarled. “And…” He trailed off. He was clearly off put by the kiss.

  “He is a friend. We were about to leave…” Jacob chewed his lip in a way I’d never seen him do. It was pure production for the Baron’s benefit. He was an artful deceiver with years of experience playing his father. I felt like I was watching from the outside as he skillfully guided his father’s attention away from Jocelynn.

  The Baron scowled. “You know how I feel about such things being out of place, as this one is.”

  The Baron treated me sub-humanly. To him I was no more worth a glance than even recognition of my ability to breathe.

  “It won’t happen again.”

  “See to it you don’t happen into its presence again.” He turned to me, his hard gaze appearing to memorize my features in case I made a further offense.

  A man like him could change my destiny. The look solidified the necessity to never come eye to eye with him again. I’d been judged and proven unworthy to keep the company of the lord and lady in waiting. It confirmed everything I had felt but half an hour before. I pressed my palm into my chest when he turned away, stalking off toward the exit. Jocelynn’s gaze called to me, and I looked back over my shoulder to meet her eyes. There was everything and nothing in one glance. Nothing the Baron had said mattered after one look. She rushed to me before the door was shut behind him, collecting my hands in hers. Her forehead met my shoulder, and I enveloped her in my arms.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered into my arm.

  I stroked my fingers down her back, all the anger I had felt bleeding out of me. “My mind hasn’t changed. Even a few days with you is better than a lifetime of regret.”

  “Not many people would feel that way after one encounter with him.” Her voice was hardly audible.

  “None of that matters. Let’s get out of here before it happens again.” I cupped her cheeks, bringing her face away from my shoulder so I could look into the deep blue of her eyes I had become intimately familiar with. “Once was more than enough.”

  “You both are so welcome for taking all the heat, which I am sure will come with some sort of wildly fun punishment.”

  I had forgotten Jacob was in the room, and we both turned to look at him.

  “Thank you, brother mine.” She pulled out of my grasp to wrap her arms around his neck. “I owe you more than one, and I admit you always save my arse.”

  He rolled his eyes and smacked her cheek. “I know where your attention is at. We need to get him out of here and you changed before we blow this place.”

  “All I heard was blow,” she countered.

  He raised both brows and shook his head. “There are some things you need to keep to yourself. Isn’t that what they teach you in all those godawful etiquette classes I always ditch?”

  “If you ditch them so often it’s a wonder you can correct her,” I said pulling her back to me by the loose ribbon of her undone corset. She spun into my arms, wrapping her own around my neck. I lowered my head to whisper over her lips. “Can we find some place to be alone tonight?”

  She looked at her brother out of the corner of her eyes, and he sighed. “I will do my best to cover both your asses, but if you get caught it’s on you. I plan on having my own much needed stress release tonight.”

  I lowered my mouth to hers, stroking my tongue over the seam of her lips until she parted them, allowing me access. I tilted my head to the side, deepening the kiss as energy danced between us, causing my heart to pick up speed and my blood to boil in my veins. She had an electrifying effect on me I couldn’t ignore. It took hold in my mind, giving me the high of an addiction.

  All too soon she was yanked out of my arms. Our outstretched arms reached for one another, fingertips grazing as Jacob dragged her backward.

  “Say good-bye.” He stepped between us before looking at her. “I’ll take him out. You go clean yourself up.”

  The ceremonial paint she wore was smudged in places where our faces had rubbed together. It would be evident to anyone who looked at her what she’d done.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Jocelynn

  “Wipe that shit off your face, and let’s go.” Jacob burst into my room as I was reaching around my back to try to get my dress the rest of the way off. I had gotten to my room mere moments before he appeared, ready to leave.

  It had been a long two days, and I was ready to be done with the Worlds’ Fair and back to my semi private life. At least until I was married off, but I had a few years before that would happen. I planned on enjoying it while getting to know Madden.

  “Good for you that you can be the utter disappointment everyone expects you to be wearing that.” I gestured to the ill-fitting pants he wore and the partly unbuttoned shirt. “But not all of us have the luxury. They preened me for hours before it took three servants to bind me into this thing.”

  “Keep opening your mouth and I’m going to stand here and laugh while you try to get yourself out of that Antion Eliese death trap.” He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the doorframe. He was tall, above six foot, to my five foot four, but our faces were the same, strong jaw, sculpted cheekbones, and the Akillie scowl. The only difference was in our eyes. His were light blue where mine were dark blue. But our coloring we got from our mother. We both had a light dusting of freckles across our noses, as well as our shoulders.

  I scowled at him now, and he grinned ruefully.<
br />
  “Doesn’t scare me, Jocelynn.” Jacob walked over in his usual “give no fucks” getup. He wasn’t even dressed to be here, in his uniform, or even the waistcoat and slacks our mother had pressed him to wear for the state dinner. Instead he wore leather pants hanging off his slender hips and a thick leather belt slung not through his belt loops, but hanging to one side, weighed down with a holster. But there wasn’t a gun in the holster. There was a bottle of premium aged whiskey.

  “Get me out of this dress before I slash your carotid and drink your whiskey.”

  He scoffed at me and didn’t make a move.

  I flipped my blade out of the sheath I wore at all times and twirled it around my hand. He stomped closer, hand shooting out to take hold of the handle mid turn before drawing it down my spine. His expertise with the knife flicked the tip hard enough to shred the thin fabric but spared my skin. I felt the point and knew I would have a scratch from the nape of my neck to the base of my spine. I glared over my shoulder, and he smiled ruefully.

  “Ask and you shall receive.” He offered the knife back to me handle first.

  I was better at close combat than he was, and he didn’t flinch as I reached for the knife. As the dress pooled around my feet, he took his own smaller knife to the lace corset underneath. But I held up my hand, signaling for him to leave it. Madden might like it.

  I suspected this ruin of the dress was a private fuck off to its designer, who had once been a suitor of Jacob’s and caused quite a scandal when he tried to out their relationship.

  I slipped behind the screen to change.

  “How they got you into it in the first place is beyond me.” He shoved his knife back into his belt.

  I pulled on a light shoulderless shirt that cut down around and showed off the lace of the undergarment in the front, adding to it a pair of my own leathers. Next, I strapped on a belt, but not one like his. Mine was more useful and contained fewer illicit substances. When I was dressed, I pulled up my hair into a twist on the back of my head, scowling over at him.